Mother's Day has got to be the toughest holiday to get through for me. I have some great women in my life worth celebrating like my grandmothers, my mother in law, aunts, and especially my own mom. I love each of them individually for all they have done on my behalf and for the examples they are in my life.
For me, Mother's Day is the one day a year I want to shut myself in the house and say let's move it along while waiting for the day to end. Call it wallowing in my own self pity or call it focusing on the negative, but it is the day I just feel overwhelmingly sad. As long it isn't my everyday mood, I think I deserve my own little pity party every once in awhile.
I try to seek comfort in the fact that I'm not alone and have faith that I might endure to the end. I find solace in the scriptures knowing that there are many godly women who have walked the path that I now find myself on. Women like Hannah, Elisabeth, Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel were all women tested in their faith and patience and the Lord healed them according to their faith. I have faith in my heart that the Lord will heal my pain of infertility one way or another and it may not be in a way I expect.
With that being said, there are some things I need from you. I found and article that speaks to a lot of the things I feel on how to talk about infertility. There are some basic etiquette guidelines to follow:
-Don't tell me to relax. Relaxing in and of itself does not make one fertile.
-Please don't minimize my problem and tell me to develop talents or explore new hobbies.
-Don't tell me worse things could happen.
-Please don't tell me that maybe I'm not meant to be a parent. Believe it or not, some people are that
insensitive.
-Don't ask me why I'm not doing IVF.
-Don't try to be funny with crude jokes. We don't need sex tips, thank you very much.
-Please don't complain about your own pregnancies.
-Don't try to be a biology teacher and assume I'm ignorant about my issues. I know a lot about the
female reproductive system at this point, believe me.
-Gossiping with others about me and my struggles just isn't nice.
-Don't push adoption (yet).
-Let me know you care.
-Please remember me on Mother's Day.
-If/When the time comes, support my decision to end any treatments.
With all the heartache that childlessness brings, there are many things I am grateful for that have been a result of our struggle with infertility over the last 4 years or so. One of the things I am most grateful for is my relationship with my husband, I love him dearly. Having celebrated our 5th anniversary a few months ago, I look back at all the good quality time we have been able to share with one another. We have had the opportunity of really getting to know one another and it has strengthened our friendship and deepened our love for one another. We have fun together and enjoy each other's company. We have had the chance to go on some really fun vacations and see different parts of the country and world. Often I get the comment that Chuck and I seem to go on vacation a lot. Though I don't ever say it at the time, I think "What would you suggest we do with our time off and money?" We make memories with that time and I would not want to give that up.
So Happy Mother's Day to all those women out there, especially to those who have walked my path and haven't had the opportunity to realize motherhood. You are a child of our Heavenly Father who loves you with or without children of your own.
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